1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

I just tell my clients "that big long one at the front of your keyboard"

Most compouter problems are due to an I.D TEN t. error (ID10T)
or a loose nut in front of the keyboard;
Or it's a standard wetware problem. Solution: return the computer to the
store, you're too dumb to own one.

3. A Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "Send" key.

Then there was the secretary of undisclosed natural hair colour, who
comlained her fax recipient kept getting a blank document.
(she'd folded the fax before sending because it was marked "Top Secret don't show anybody")

4. Another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing

them

individually.

The official wayu to clean an IBM keyboard, I kid you not, is to turn it
upside down & bang it onto your desk (might not work on the newer ones -- the old ones were built like a Schick Brickhouse. I had one for the original PC
I had, that weighed about 5 pounds! (the mouse weighed darn near a pound itself!)

5. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged

because

his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid." The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be

taken

personally.

... On a clear disk you can seek forever. . .
... Today: the dawn of a new error. . .

> 8. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new computer

wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked, "What power switch?"

One guy was directed to the power switch, turned it on then asked, "Holy
crud, what's that noise?!"

Have a blessed day, and enjoy your computer!!!

I tried to bless the rains down in Africa...
It was a Toto failure.

I had my pastor bless a bottle of mercury for me.
I love my Christian Heavy Metal.

What does the Pope say when he wants to bless a pack of cigarettes?
Holy smokes! [the other, usurper, Pope!)

She: Don't forget we have the cable guy coming later today?
He: What time?
She: At two.
He: Bless you!
She: What?
She: Okay, enough with the dumb jokes, buster, or I'm leaving!!

Bless me, Father
for I have sneezed

Why did the reverend bless his milk?
To pastorize it

Q: What's made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?
A: A shoe.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Hatch.
Hatch who?
Bless you.

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
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* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)