A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.seen
"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes
of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."
"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least
my demonstration."carpet.
And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway
"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manurefrom
your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."electricity
"Well," she said, "I hope you've got a good appetite because the
was cut off this morning."
Now you're telling potty jokes? Bathroom humour? For shame!
Why did the US invade the toilet?
Because it had oil in it.
T-oil-et.
Q: What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
A: Urine trouble.
I was sick and tired of my wife forgetfully leaving her feminine
hygiene products in the toilet, so I confronted her
She immediately flushed with embarrassment.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
I saw a meme where a toilet was telling someone to drop their pants,
and pour everything into it. I'd have to dig for it, as I don't have it offhand.
Q: What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
A: Urine trouble.
We Aim To Please...You Aim, Too...Please.
If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2?? - George Carlin
You'd prolly have to explain it to me, too. . . ;)
Another sign:
Ladies: Please stay eated during the entire poerformance.
Men: Stand close, t's shorter than you think.
If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie & wipe the seatie.
Now he common sign is "Do not put anything but tissue into the toilet"
Okay, so where do I put the reason I need to sit down, once produced?
good old Carlin(RIP), one of my all-time favorites -- he was funny AND thought-provoking AND intelligent/witty.
* Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them
are stupider than that.
* The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers
I accept.
* Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up
on the roof and gets stuck.
RIP, Georgie, you were one of the good ones!
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a
courthouse: You cannot post "Thou shalt not steal," "Thou shalt not
commit adultery," and "Thou shalt not lie" in a building full of
lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work
environment. --20th c. Philosopher G. Carlin
Another sign:
Ladies: Please stay eated during the entire poerformance.
I hope you meant "stay seated".
Or like the guy who had his lady friend's name tattooed on his
member, but at first, all you saw was W and Y -- for Wendy. Well,
another guy had the same deal, but it was "Welcome To Jamaica.
Have A Nice Day". :P Considering what one has to go through for
a tattoo, I've got better things to spend my money on.
Okay, so where do I put the reason I need to sit down, once produced?
You'd be surprised at the stuff people try to put down the toilet.
ANDgood old Carlin(RIP), one of my all-time favorites -- he was funny
thought-provoking AND intelligent/witty.
Never mind the 7 dirty words.
I wish many of the comedians nowadays hadn't gotten so raunchy with
their material. The long gone comedians of Red Skelton, Jack Benny,
George Burns, Groucho Marx, and many others...proved that you don't
have to be dirty or vulgar to be funny.
Along that line, ventriloquist Jeff Dunham got pretty raunchy at
times, because "it was an economical issue". Well, I know that two
other ventriloquists, Todd Oliver and Darci Lynn Farmer, have G rated
shows.
... What you think of me is none of my business.
People do take their lunch into the toilet,. to have privacy while they eat & play Candy Crush or check Facebook. .
No thank you. . .
I hope you meant "stay seated".
Kinda yeah. . .
People do take their lunch into the toilet,. to have privacy while they eat & play Candy Crush or check Facebook. .
One guy was asked why he tattooed "LITTLE" on his member. He said,
"Just wait a minute -- it spells "I'm from Little Rock, Arkansas,
United States of America"
I like both - but it hasd t be intelligent, not JUST relying on shock value
I'm no afraid of words -- they indicate what's going on behind the
mouth sdaying them. . .
If God gave all of us free will, who are we to try to override it?
I have every one of Dunham's shows; not sure I recall anything
'raunchy'
... What you think of me is none of my business.
People have no clue on how to "mind your own business" any more. . .
You hear the gossip about butter?
Actually I’m not gonna spread it
Q: What do they call gossip you hear in bathrooms?
A: Restrumors.
I heard some salacious gossip about the prime minister of Canada
I don't think it's Trudeau
People do take their lunch into the toilet,. to have privacy while they eat & play Candy Crush or check Facebook. .
No thank you. . .
Agreed. I have heard that some of my co-workers at a place I used to work would do that, but I never witnessed it. Yuck!
George,
I hope you meant "stay seated".
Kinda yeah. . .
I hate fat finger syndrome...but without fat fingers, how do you
pick up the food and the silverware??
I'd be afraid of dropping the phone into the toilet. I admit I take
mine in the bathroom at home, but it sits on the chair next to me.
I keep deleting Candy Crush and other stuff off the computer, but
Windows keeps putting it back on. Speaking of which, the Lenovo
laptop will be able to upgrade to Windows 11, but the BBS computer apparently will not...as it's CPU is too slow. The thing is, even
if the CPU was faster, if they aren't going to make a 32-bit version
of Windows 11, the BBS will stay with Windows 10.
I like both - but it hasd t be intelligent, not JUST relying on shock value
Just ask Howard Stern.
I'm no afraid of words -- they indicate what's going on behind the mouth sdaying them. . .
To me, profanity is the attempt of a feeble mind to express itself forcibly...especially if it's constant in their speech. Once in a
blue moon, I can deal with it.
GrouchoIf God gave all of us free will, who are we to try to override it?
You'd be surprised how many try to, anyway. Man wants to be "his own
god".
I have every one of Dunham's shows; not sure I recall anything 'raunchy'
I've heard him use the F word on occasion. The 2 I recall are:
1) When Achmed meets his son.
2) When Peanut calls the "Taste Of China" restaurant for food.
... What you think of me is none of my business.
People have no clue on how to "mind your own business" any more. . .
There was a song "Why Don't You Mind Your Own Business, So You Won't
Be Minding Mine??".
You hear the gossip about butter?
Actually I’m not gonna spread it
Did you talk to Marge Erin about that??
Q: What do they call gossip you hear in bathrooms?
A: Restrumors.
That's the scuttlebutt on the new toilets.
I heard some salacious gossip about the prime minister of Canada
I don't think it's Trudeau
I guess it petered out, then??
Daryl
... "I never forget a face. In your case, I'll make an exception". -
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)
They've issued Win11?! Is it actually iuseful/better? Is it free?
Daryl Stout wrote to George Pope <=-
I don't know...but for users of Windows 10, it'll be free.
Agreed. I have heard that some of my co-workers at a place I used to work would do that, but I never witnessed it. Yuck!
Art my last in-person working place (I(& my team) converted the company to fully virtual, so the boss saves on the expensive downtown lease & I save on a
4 hour/day unpaid commute. . .)
With what happened during COVID (we all were put on remote and it worked, even though management was originally skeptical), I was hoping we might remain virtual. While they have not completely made their minds up yet,it
sounds like we are not. We may get to work remote 2 or so days a week, or maybe only have to report in 2 or so days a pay-period, but nothing is really solid yet. I think they are waiting for one of us to submit our request so that they can say "that is not acceptable" rather than tell us what is acceptable. :)
George,
They've issued Win11?! Is it actually iuseful/better? Is it free?
I don't know...but for users of Windows 10, it'll be free. My Lenovo Windows 10 64-bit laptop will take the upgrade...but the CPU on the BBS computer is too slow to run with it. So, I doubt it'll get upgraded,
unless they come out with a 32-bit version. I think the upgrades will
start rolling out in October.
My boss, on Friday: .This is the fifth day in a row that you.ve been late.. Me: .Well, I can promise it won.t happen tomorrow..
First Day as a Bartender
Customer: I.ll have a martini, dry.
Me, staring at all the liquid ingredients: I don.t know how to tell you this...
So it's strictly 64bit now? I use 64bit Win10 (they forced the
'upgrade' on me one night when I was asleep)
My wife told me she'd leave me if I don't stop making Microsoft puns,
and I need some advice
I immediately left my Office and tried explaining myself. Sure, on the Surface I do it often, but I think it Works. It's not just about Word play, either; my Outlook on life helps me Excel. She and I have such a great Team Foundation, I Azure you. I wanted to Exchange my thoughts
with her, so we could work with OneDrive. I looked her right in the Windows of her soul, to Access the deepest parts of her heart, and told her I loved her. Completely on Edge, I awaited her answer...
PowerPoint of the story is: does anyone know of a good divorce lawyer?
First Day as a Bartender
Customer: I.ll have a martini, dry.
Me, staring at all the liquid ingredients: I don.t know how to tell you this...
That one always used to throw me, too. How can a liquid be "dry"? :D
Customer: I.ll have a martini, dry.If I'm not mistaken, in this case, dry means "bitter". I think of what
If I'm not mistaken, in this case, dry means "bitter". I think of what Groucho Marx would say "Pardon me while I slip out of these wet clothes,
and into a dry martini". I think the Looney Tunes used this quite a bit
with their cartoons...one had Bugs Bunny as Groucho, and Elmer Fudd as
Harpo. <G>
Customer: I.ll have a martini, dry.If I'm not mistaken, in this case, dry means "bitter". I think of what
I don't even know why I know this, except to the extent that I was once confused by that term, too. A dry martini is a martini which has very little vermouth added to it.
Found this:
Legend has it that Sir Winston Churchill liked his Martinis served
without the vermouth actually being added to the drink, just present in the same room. He is quoted as saying of the drink, "Glance at the vermouth bottle briefly while pouring the juniper distillate freely."
If I'm not mistaken, in this case, dry means "bitter". I think of what Groucho Marx would say "Pardon me while I slip out of these wet clothes,
and into a dry martini". I think the Looney Tunes used this quite a bit
with their cartoons...one had Bugs Bunny as Groucho, and Elmer Fudd as Harpo. <G>
I think it may also. The Looney Tunes/Merry Melodies used the Marx Brothers more a few times to get a good laugh. :)
First Day as a Bartender
Customer: I.ll have a martini, dry.
Me, staring at all the liquid ingredients: I don.t know how to tell you this...
That one always used to throw me, too. How can a liquid be "dry"? :D
I don't know. I bought a 64-bit laptop with Windows 10 on it (a Lenovo
one from Best Buy), and that's what I use for stuff outside the BBS. I ordered a copy of Windows 10 32-bit from Best Buy (it was cheaper than
from Microsoft), but I think the computers now require a faster CPU to
run Windows 11...and I don't know if it'll have 32-bit support or not.
I personally can NOT see discarding perfectly good working hardware and software, just to satisfy Microsoft's bottom line.
theMy wife told me she'd leave me if I don't stop making Microsoft puns, and I need some advice
I immediately left my Office and tried explaining myself. Sure, on
aSurface I do it often, but I think it Works. It's not just about Word play, either; my Outlook on life helps me Excel. She and I have such
toldgreat Team Foundation, I Azure you. I wanted to Exchange my thoughts with her, so we could work with OneDrive. I looked her right in the Windows of her soul, to Access the deepest parts of her heart, and
her I loved her. Completely on Edge, I awaited her answer...
That'd make a good deal for a pun contest. :)
... What do people in China call their good plates?
Welcome to English where only the poorest of words have a single definition.
I love this language! (only 'cause I know it so well!)
A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the crowds on Lough Street in Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed.
George,women,
Welcome to English where only the poorest of words have a single definition.
I love this language! (only 'cause I know it so well!)
Here's a deal I learned in 5th grade over 50 years ago...it's called
"The Nine Parts Of Speech". I'll bet most kids nowdays have no clue on these. I capitalized the term, and the examples.
Three little words you often see, are ARTICLES -- A, AN, and THE
(pronounced "thee" for this poem).
A NOUN is the name of anything -- a HOUSE or GARDEN, HOOP or SWING.
Instead of nouns, the PRONOUNS stand...MY head, YOUR arm, HER foot, HIS hand.
ADJECTIVES tell what kind of noun...GREAT, SMALL, PRETTY, WHITE, or BROWN.
VERBS tell of something to be done...WALK, HOP, SKIP, JUMP, or RUN.
How things are done, the ADVERBS tell...SLOWLY, QUICKLY, ILL, or WELL.
A PREPOSITION stands before a noun, as IN or THROUGH the door.
CONJUNCTIONS, also called CONNECTIVES, join words together...men AND
wind AND weather.
INTERJECTIONS show surprise. OH!! How Pretty!! AH!! How Wise!!
These are the nine parts of speech...which people write, and speak, and teach.
You may bring the apple to me, and I'll give it to you, as I'm a softie. :)
A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the crowds on Lough Street in Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed.
That was a very telling poem, as is this prose above. I am not familiar with the would lough. Is that pronounced like 'low' or the -ow in "now"?
I feel the same -- they all meet in cabal type meetings to divvy up the GDP. Gaes agreed to require all new hardware with the new Losedoze
(10), cuz the hardware manufacturers felt he was getting too much of
the pie. . .
That'd make a good deal for a pun contest. :)
Might be why someoner wrote it.
Be a good one for Callahan's one Punday Monday (ever read Spider Robinson's "Callahan's" series; if you like puns & scifi it's an
amazing set of stories & a couple full length novels. . .
He pays homage to some of his favorite stories & authors including R.A. Heinlein's cat who walks through walls making several appearances.
In one story they take a dozen school buses & convoy down to Florida
from their original homes in NYS, stoppoing off to watch a shuttle
launch, & visiting Travis McGee's pier mooring in Key West.
... What do people in China call their good plates?
餐盘
I newver hasd a poem; I just had to memorize them. I've added another:
The Gratuitive Intensive (e.g Very, D*mn, F*cking)
Slang,I figured out is just laziness -- it's often a word so loosely defined, it can fill in multiple parts of speech, or substitute for the words we cannot think of quickly enough.
If my son refers to his rectal oruiuice by the usual 7-letter a-word, that's fine, if he refers to another human being as such, we're going
to have words; the last 4 being, "Go to your room."; unlike today's spoiled generations, his tech is all in the living room, not up in his room. . .
Any teachwer wants to castigate him for using "bad words" will be
tsalkin to me, yto juustify their lack of education. If the teacher
then starts off by saying he used the word to disrupt -- that's
weaponized behaviour & I'll deal with him at home.
If he can't understand that speech around his parents & around his male schoolmates, in the schoolyard, isn't different, he'll learn, trust me!
Yes, I differentiate how to behave around one's fellow males, in
private, & around those of the distaff set. The day you have to
consider the possibility of conceiving, carrying, & bearing children, potentially even against your will, I'll give you special
consideration, too, & I expect him to live thusly, too.
It's the same [official] reason I graciously indicate to a lady she
should precede me. . .
There's more than one reason to appreciate women, & both are valid as forms of respect, when done resapectfully.
"First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!"
-=-
After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.
"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.
"What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."
The clerk handed him a mirror.
-=-
Somewhere in the city there was a small apartment building. there were four floors and 1 person lived on each floor.
A while later she heard 3 knocks at the door. She knew it was the blind man, so she didn't put on her robe and she answered the door. He said "guess what! guess what! I just got might sight back!
-=-
There is no War of the Sexes -- there's too much fraternization with
the 'enemy.'
traffic net last night, one noted that "32-bit applications are going the way of 16-bit, and it's going to be all 64-bit". I still like having theare
BBS with the legacy apps and programs...in case someone stumbles on an old computer they can use, and is told that a BBS is "a safe internet alternative". Of course, there are very few dial-up BBS's now, and most
telnet/web. But, in several aspects, BBS's are a lot different from the internet.
A fellow ham radio operator I knew had found at a flea market, an interesting item. It was a portable computer deal with a keyboard, mouse, monitor, and only 2 floppy drives (one was 3.5" and the other 5.25"), butno
hard drive (this was when my BBS was still dial-up only). So, I created a Windows 95 startup disk with just the command.com program...and theterminal
mode for a dial-up BBS utility on another disk. So, he'd power on the unit with the command.com disk, then fire up the terminal program (GT Power Terminal Only (GTO)), and hook up his modem, then dial-in to the BBS.
Be a good one for Callahan's one Punday Monday (ever read Spider Robinson's "Callahan's" series; if you like puns & scifi it's an amazing set of stories & a couple full length novels. . .
Never heard of it. I did find 2 good websites, for taglines and puns respectively.
https://www.taglinesgalore.com/index.html
https://www.punsgalore.com
I never read Heinlein, but my late wife apparently had read his stuff.
His assessment of TANSTAFFL was so right...yet, so many refuse to accept that.
... What do people in China call their good plates?
餐盘
You'll have to explain that one to me...that's how it showed up in my
QWK packet.
Or those who don't like leaving tips at restaurants. Now, if a serverdoes
a good job, I'm happy to tip them appropriately. But, I do NOT like itwhere
they charge the 20% tip fee BEFORE you get the meal.
Or have the parents change the password on the home wi-fi. <G>
I remember when you got spanked at school, you ended up getting a
second whipping at home...and you couldn't figure out how they found
out.
Nowadays, they have no respect for their elders. On my ham radio nets, I'll address them as "Mister John, Mister Roy, Miss Lois, Miss Virginia", etc. When asked why, I reply "RESPECT. If I give it, they'll return it".:)
life!"Yes, I differentiate how to behave around one's fellow males, in private, & around those of the distaff set. The day you have to consider the possibility of conceiving, carrying, & bearing children, potentially even against your will, I'll give you special consideration, too, & I expect him to live thusly, too.
I am of the OLD SCHOOL. Children should be seen and not heard...and not speak unless spoken to. Then, it's "Yes, Ma'am...No, Ma'am...Yes, Sir...
and No, Sir". I have far more respect for the kids and their parents when the kids are well behaved.
It's the same [official] reason I graciously indicate to a lady she should precede me. . .
My late wife taught me "what's good for me". <G>. I grew up with a brother...I didn't know it took women "forever and a day" to get ready.
The song by Brad Paisley, "Little Moments" really hits the nail on the head...and in the video, Andy Griffith is in there. :)
There's more than one reason to appreciate women, & both are valid as forms of respect, when done resapectfully.
So many men think the woman is "a sex toy". To me, they were created as
a companion (a help meet). Ironically, before I was single, I couldn't understand all the fuss about being married. Now, being a widower going
on 15 years (with loneliness real bad some days), I see the other side
of the coin.
"First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my
Oh, boy!! As an aside, I thought the female in that movie wasn't bad looking <wink!>. <G>his
-=-
After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring
werewife a little gift.
"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.
"What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."
The clerk handed him a mirror.
Whoa!! <LOL!>
That's like the one where the woman goes into Macy's, and is looking
at a piece of fine (and expensive) jewelery. As she bends over to get
a better look, she farts (and it wasn't an SBD one, either). She was
hoping no one witnessed her poot, but was horrified to see a young man standing there, asking if he could help her find something. She asked
how much this certain piece of jewelery was, and was told "Madam...if
you farted just looking at it, you're going to $h!+ when I tell you
the price!!". I guess I'm shopping at Dollar General!! <BG>
-=-
Somewhere in the city there was a small apartment building. there
blindfour floors and 1 person lived on each floor.
Never mind the old song "Knock 3 times on the ceiling if you want me".
A while later she heard 3 knocks at the door. She knew it was the
man, so she didn't put on her robe and she answered the door. He said "guess what! guess what! I just got might sight back!
-=-
I'll bet he got an eyeful!!
There is no War of the Sexes -- there's too much fraternization with the 'enemy.'
True.
Daryl
... Get your free subscription before the price doubles!!
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)
telnet/web. But, in several aspects, BBS's are a lot different from the internet.
I 100% agrtee with you! For those with a proper DOSModem & only DOS (no Windows sgell connecting to the internet); BBSing is a grand
alternative, & avoids the spiders caching all our HDD content. A
friend here was doing the same -- preparing for a breakdown of the internet, with a solid & safe DOS BBS. His BBS was next door community here, in Surrey, named Saviour BBS.
What klind of computer was it? Sounds like my former TRS-80 Model IV
(no HDD but could make a virtual RAMDisk using JCL(Job Control Language
-- basically batchfile programming); 'twas a fun toy; I ended up giving
it to a home care aide's daughter to use to type up her homework.
Look up Callahans' sites for good puns. Lots of fan-created options.
Google: Callahan's Spider Robinson
You'll enjoy the trek. .
I never read Heinlein, but my late wife apparently had read his stuff.
His assessment of TANSTAFFL was so right...yet, so many refuse to accept that.
Yup, There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch, is a fair maxim to keep
in mind while journeying through life. . .
... What do people in China call their good plates?
餐盘
You'll have to explain that one to me...that's how it showed up in my
QWK packet.
Was Chinese characters for "dinner plates"
Met a Chinese talking goose today, I asked him from what part of China
he was from.
Honk Kong
Just performed in my first comedy concert in China
The crowd was so impressed, they gave me a standing of asian
While Google does some FTP file searches, I've blocked known spammersand
hackers. At connect, they have to enter a random 6 digit number (CAPTCHA)to
even get to the logon prompt. But, if they then enter something like Root, Admin, Sysop, Aquario, etc., they get disconnected.
LanguageWhat klind of computer was it? Sounds like my former TRS-80 Model IV (no HDD but could make a virtual RAMDisk using JCL(Job Control
giving-- basically batchfile programming); 'twas a fun toy; I ended up
it to a home care aide's daughter to use to type up her homework.
I'm not sure...that was several years ago, and I've slept since then.
now,Look up Callahans' sites for good puns. Lots of fan-created options.
Google: Callahan's Spider Robinson
You'll enjoy the trek. .
I won't get to it for a few days. I've got thunderstorms approaching
and they'll be in the area for several days.
Someone, somewhere, has to pay for it. In some areas, there's a flat fee for the Emergency Room...apparently to cover some of the fees that so many of the patients (most who are indigent (sp?)) incur.
... What do people in China call their good plates?
餐盘
You'll have to explain that one to me...that's how it showed up in my QWK packet.
Was Chinese characters for "dinner plates"
I'm sorry I asked. :P
Better than getting the thunderclap...a very violent form of VD. :P
I'm with you -- that's just plain disonesty - the owners can put lower prices on t he menu, making you think "Oh, not a bad price" when it's actually 20% higher. I'm not responsible for your being a bad employer who doesn't pay his employees a fair wage.
I like the pic of "modern gruonding" with a padlock attached to the
prong on the charger cable.
Things were different amongst the earlier generations -- more respect, fewer scofflaws. . .
Those kids likely never stole anything ever again, because society & parents worked together to teach appropriate living behaviour.
I had my rebellious teen years, but I knew the realities.
So I try for following the appropriate degree of respect per context.
English puns make me feel numb
But math puns make me feel number
Why is the English weather like a Muslim (not bigoted)
Because its either Sunni or shi'ite
I’m only familiar with 25 letters in the English language
I don’t know why.
Some people say that "icy" is the easiest word in the English language
to spell.
When I think about it, I see why.
Q: What do you call a software engineer who was an English teacher?
A: A pro-grammar
English for foreigners... When do S and C sound the same?
When it's necessary.
Q: What do you call an English fisherman?
A: Angler Saxon
Q: What is an English Teacher’s favourite drink?
A: Tequila mockingbird
Of courser -- you have your own personal login & I'm sure a backdoor
one or two as well -- nobody would ever use root on your system
remotely. ..
Nothing better for these twonks but to kick them off unceremoniously.
I threatened troublemakers with a machine I'd bought called a
Freister's Device(named, in 1973, for the inventer) which can track a modem signal in reverse, even through Fido & BBSes, & send an overload signal to fry(that's why we say it like that) the modem & computer of anyone who I feel is misbehaving!
It worked great until India joined Fidonet, then it was constant spam
in this here echo; my then-moderator-partner ended up having to, eventually, cut the feed for all of India, as nobody down the line
would comply with Fidonet rules (to comply with moderator orders
regarding troublemakers); No idea if they ever got back on. . .
Don't worry, insomniacs, there's only 4 more sleeps til Christmas!
You don't have a decent UPS?
We've had to institute a userfee over the already-fuly paid cost of ER,
to slow down those with the sniffles taking up space more needed by
those bleeding copiously (or not breathing or bleeding)
Better than getting the thunderclap...a very violent form of VD. :P
No thanks, sounds like it might be painful (& noisy)
Q: What does the god of thunder get when he drops his hammer?
A: A Thor foot.
Last night during a pretty aggressive thunderstorm, a huge lightening strike, along with an incredibly deafening thunder clap happened right next to our house. It was about 11pm and Susan was snuggled up to her Mother next to me in our bed. After a few seconds of Lori saying
something soothing to our 9 year old she was holding, saying something like 'its ok, its just a little storm, we are safe...', I call out to
our older 12 year old in her room just next door.
"Sarah!?" I called to her, in my normal tone to get her attention.
"Yeah? What?" She responded.
"Was that you?" I called back.
After a long pause Sarah replied "No Dad. That was thunder!"
I could not stop laughing.
There was a Burger King restaurant in Nebraska, where apparently the franchisee has horrible working conditions and benefits for the employees. It can get HOT in those kitchens, and combined with a long shift, it can take its toll in several ways. Well, the employees put out on the sign out front:
WE ALL QUIT. SORRY FOR ANY INCONVENIENCE.
It was up for a few hours, before it got taken down...but not before it went viral. Apparently, the place is still understaffed.
That's for sure. Nowadays, the kids treat their parents like crap.
There isn't much of that anymore. The thugs have weapons, and aren't afraid to hurt or kill anyone who gets in their way. Many Target and Walgreens stores in California have closed early, or shut down entirely,
for all the shoplifting.
English for foreigners... When do S and C sound the same?
When it's necessary.
I find it interesting how spellings of various words differ between the US, and places like Canada, the UK, and Austrailia.
Q: What is an English Teacher’s favourite drink?
A: Tequila mockingbird
There was a BBS by that name, but I think it shut down.
I have blocked all these IP's and hosts that show "no name". What they
do outside the BBS is their business...even if such activity could be considered as immoral, illegal, unlawful, sinful, etc. But, once online
they are a guest in my residence, and I expect them to act accordingly.
I heard of a ham radio operator who was constantly interfered with by someone with an illegal amplifier (possibly a CB operator). Well, hamsinterference,
of a Technician class license or higher, on most bands, can transmit up
to 1500 watts peak envelope power (PEP). One local ham quipped "All knobs
to the right". <G> Well, one day, this ham had enough of this
so they did a bit of "fox hunting/direction finding" (that's a big aspect
of the hobby, and there are competitions with that each year), and figured out who and where the offender was. So, the ham pointed the antenna at
this joker, keyed up at 1.5 kW, and fried every bit of the offenders gear.
It worked great until India joined Fidonet, then it was constant spam in this here echo; my then-moderator-partner ended up having to, eventually, cut the feed for all of India, as nobody down the line would comply with Fidonet rules (to comply with moderator orders regarding troublemakers); No idea if they ever got back on. . .
I use the Peerblock utility to block countries known for hackers. And,
as noted earlier, I block hostnames with "no name" in them. To me, in
this day and age, if you want to let a total unknown stranger into your residence, you have a death wish. As long as they play by the rules I've laid down, their data stays confidential. The only exception is for a
law enforcement subpeona.
You don't have a decent UPS?
No amount of surge protection, UPS or otherwise, will protect you from a direct hit.
Each lightning bolt:
A) Has 3 million volts and 300,000 amps of electricity.
B) Can strike from 20 to 200 miles from the parent thunderstorm (the
latter occurred in Oklahoma a few years ago)
C) Can be 5 miles long, but only as wide as your thumb.
D) Is 50,000 degrees Fahrenheit...5 times hotter than the sun's surface.
I've had too many close calls, and am a 2 time indirect lightning strike survivor myself, and have nervous system damage as a result.
... Deliver a pizza? Whoever heard of a liver pizza?
We don't have to work as slaves -- that got abolished a long time ago.
Yup; was on the skytrain (commuter train here in Metro Vancouver) and a mom was holding her infant over her shoulder, patting hyim, going,
"shhh, shhh," when the little one said, clear as day, "f*** you,
mommy."
Yup, get the kids young & teach them correctly, using corporal means,
if necessary.
A Metric Dozen<TM> of TAGLINES:
Federal Law prohibits the removal of this tagline
Procrastination Day Has Been Postponed!
Taglines: the toilet-stall walls of BBSdom.
Talk is cheap -- supply exceeds demand!
Lye, Cheetham, and Steele: Attorneys at Law
Mason-Dixon Line n. Separates y'all from youse guys
PRESS To test. <click> RELEASE to detonate.
Sir! Romulan Warbird decloakingò2šOÿ:þ*bœ— NO CARRIER
Strip mining prevents forest fires.
A penny saved is a Congressional oversight.
In return, if there's a tywonk on their BBS & I identify him/her, I
expect the systop to boot them; if the sysop refuses, I ask the next
host up to cut off that BBS, & so on up the chain of Fido command (I
used to know 1:1/1 here in BC, before he died!)
Rule #1: Don't be a jackass
Rule #2: See Rule #1
Oh, we didn't do it out of rumour that they were bad -- they
demonstrated it & refused to comply with Fidonet rules & moderator directives. We were eyewitnesses o the problem, so good riddance to
bad rubbish & the echo ramn nicely for mamny years after (35 years
later & still going here in FUNNY Jokes and Stories!)
Don't be the tallest thing in your vicinity & you'll be fine to avoid direct hits?
How3 ios it possible? You like standing in boats in the centre of
lakes? Or standing alone in a large flat field?
... Deliver a pizza? Whoever heard of a liver pizza?
Oh, if there's liver on a pizza, I won't even attempt to de-liver it,
I'm just tossing it in the garbage!
They accidentally delivered a pizza missing the sauce, toppings, &
cheese to Homer Simpson, who took one look at it & exclaimied "Dough!"
I accidentally burned my Hawaiian pizza.
Should have used aloha temperature.
It's as bad as at the stores now, where they want you to go through
the self checkout. Sorry, I don't work there. If you want me to go
through self checkout, you'll give me a discount.
aYup; was on the skytrain (commuter train here in Metro Vancouver) and
mom was holding her infant over her shoulder, patting hyim, going, "shhh, shhh," when the little one said, clear as day, "f*** you, mommy."
<Shudder!>.
spankingsYup, get the kids young & teach them correctly, using corporal means, if necessary.
Nowadays, they consider that abuse. I got more than my share of
growing up, and I consider myself better for it.
... Get your free subscription before the price doubles!!
I liked the documentation with my former BBS software, GT Power. In a
file "TRASHCAN.BBS", the original author, Paul Meiners, noted "This file will test your creativity <GRIN!>". All the dirty words went in there,
and if I caller tried to logon with one of these, they got dumped.
Restricted Access is basically one level above banishment.
Rule #1: Don't be a jackass
Rule #2: See Rule #1
Rule 1 is also "The Boss (or Spouse or Significant Other) is always right".
Oh, we didn't do it out of rumour that they were bad -- they demonstrated it & refused to comply with Fidonet rules & moderator directives. We were eyewitnesses o the problem, so good riddance to bad rubbish & the echo ramn nicely for mamny years after (35 years later & still going here in FUNNY Jokes and Stories!)
I'm not the only BBS around...folks don't have to logon if they don't
want to.
Both were in Hialeah, Florida, just northwest of Miami.
1) I was 3 years old, on the couch in the living room, with my hands
on the metal frame of a big plate glass window in the front room,
watching lightning dance across the sky from a thunderstorm in the
area (I thought "this is cool!"). We had coconut trees in the front
yard, and one of the fronds was on the house. Lightning hit the tree,
and with moisture around the metal frame, where my hands were, the combination of the flash and the shock, made me start screaming bloody murder. It blew tiles off the bathroom wall, sent sparks out the back
of the house, and the neighbor across the street said "it looked like
the house was encased in a ball of fire". My Dad called the Fire
Department to come out and check things. For 10 years afterwards, you
could not take a flash picture of me, as I'd scream in terror from the flashback (pun intended).
2) I was 16 years old, and had just finished delivering an afternoon newspaper route, in a tropical thunderstorm. It was like taking a
shower with my clothes on. I got home, looking like a drowned rat;
closed the garage door, parked the bicycle, and went to strip out
of my wet clothes, so I wouldn't get chilled. When my wet hand touched
the washing machine (to balance myself), lightning hit the house
again.
However, I carry no electrical charge, and can be handled safely.
... Deliver a pizza? Whoever heard of a liver pizza?
Oh, if there's liver on a pizza, I won't even attempt to de-liver it, I'm just tossing it in the garbage!
Same here. Some things don't belong on a pizza.
... If Barbie's so popular, why must you buy her friends??
They claim the overall prices are lower, but we know the savings goes
100% to corporate profits & $0.0000000001% to lower prices.
I prefer to have a human there to ask last-minute questions of, & to
claim my free stuff without delays (here there's a polixcy that if any item rings up even 1c higher than ANY printed/posted price, you get it free, up to $10 -- I claim $20-$50/year or more. . .
"shhh, shhh," when the little one said, clear as day, "f*** you, mommy."
<Shudder!>.
My reaction, too!
But I could never say I didn't know the diffwerence between right &
wrong, though! Still can't (& don't); I was blessed to have a father
who truly loved me & honoured God & the job God gave him of being a father.
The trick stores do now is give you a nice sale (30% off, no limits)
then when the sale price ends, the price is double the original! :(
On Jeff Dunham: I heard one of his newer shows the other day & I see
what you mean -- it was jarring the gratuitous F-bombs. I'm okay with
one or two done in the right timing to add to the humour, not disract
one. . .
I haven't kept up my subscription to the Scrabble club....
Now they have started sending me threatening letters.
I'm very disappointed with my Amazon Prime subscription!
it will only let me watch episodes 1, 2, 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13
A year ago, I got a subscription to a magazine for mentally ill people. Now I have many issues.
My Dad to a telemarketer selling magazine subscriptions...
No thanks, we're all illiterate. (I'm going to use this one!)
Someone approached me and asked me to help save the Amazon
So I signed up for a Prime subscription and restocked my bookcase.
My newspaper subscription is a joke.
I don't get it.
Reasonable -- Most boards that allowed adult language in locao chat
area designated as such, didn't allow raunchy usernames, as then it's a bad ad for the BBS if the user gets onto some nets (like FamilyNet, on which I used to be a Mod)
Makers sense -- I've bnever had a problem -- I generally got upgraded
to visiting sysop status on the boards I was a regular on. . . I think youj'd done so, too, for me, as I was the farthest you'd ever had a dial-in call from. I was about 3,000 miles from you, via the I-90. . .
:)
Rule #1: Don't be a jackass
Rule #2: See Rule #1
Rule 1 is also "The Boss (or Spouse or Significant Other) is always right".
That's the original; I edited it for the context. . .
I'm not the only BBS around...folks don't have to logon if they don't
want to.
Yup, don't like "my roof, my rules" get on out. . .
Ouch! I'd have been suddenly very a-fearin' the Lord! (aware of His
might, & mighty respectful, too)
I'll never find out, don't worry. . .
I don't care what the liver's on,. it's going in the trash, on top of
the kale!
... If Barbie's so popular, why must you buy her friends??
Corporate profits, I'd presume. . .
puns from Barbie dolls. . .
I just do not like Russian dolls.
They're so full of themselves.
I ran out of material for the doll I was making and only had breathe
mints left for the feet.
He had Tic Tac toes
The little girl lined her dolls up at the cookout.
It was a Barbie queue.
My friend said he made a voodoo doll of me.
I think he's pulling my leg.
Tried to make a doll with a clock instead of an abdomen.
It was a waist of time.
They claim the overall prices are lower, but we know the savings goes 100% to corporate profits & $0.0000000001% to lower prices.
Exactly. And none to their employees.
One time in college, my books came to $77.77 (this was over 40 yearsago).
The cashier said "Looks like you hit the jackpot!!". I said "Does thatmean
I get my books free??". When she said "No", I growled "Damn!!" <G>.
"shhh, shhh," when the little one said, clear as day, "f*** you, mommy."
<Shudder!>.
My reaction, too!
I would've beat that kid within an inch of his life.
But I could never say I didn't know the diffwerence between right & wrong, though! Still can't (& don't); I was blessed to have a father who truly loved me & honoured God & the job God gave him of being a father.
When a son follows in his father's footsteps, that's the ultimate compliment.
The trick stores do now is give you a nice sale (30% off, no limits) then when the sale price ends, the price is double the original! :(
That's the new math. :P
It's like rap music...every other word is profanity.
There are memes why Snow White and Santa won't play Scrabble with the
7 dwarfs or the eleves, respectively...because of the tiles they got. :P
people.A year ago, I got a subscription to a magazine for mentally ill
Now I have many issues.
I see that in your posts. <g,d,r>
My newspaper subscription is a joke.
I don't get it.
That's why most have gone to online only.
There was one local board where the users handle was expletives for the first and last name (the F word and the S word). I left an urgent note for the Sysop to "ban this fool".
If they report glitches, they're more likely to stay in my good graces.
And boss spelled backwards is double SOB. <G>
That's what my parents told my brother. He moved out when he turned 18.
I did just before I got married.
Ouch! I'd have been suddenly very a-fearin' the Lord! (aware of His might, & mighty respectful, too)
There was a case on May 25, 1987 (IIRC) on Lake Bisteneau, Louisiana,
near Shreveport. It was on a Sunday, and these 4 guys went out fishing
on the lake (it could've been any day of the week, though). A summertime thunderstorm came up, and one guy stood up, shook his fist toward Heaven, and dared God to strike him dead.
He was obliged and instantly killed...and by rights, the other 3 should have died as well. However, they were totally unharmed. That's an example
of Divine Judgment and Protection together...can you say "Thou Shalt Not Tempt The Lord Thy God??". :P
I'll never find out, don't worry. . .
The hair and a few other things might stand up. <eg>
I don't care what the liver's on,. it's going in the trash, on top of the kale!
Now, if it's fried beef liver and sauteed onions, I'm in. Otherwise, forget it!!
... If Barbie's so popular, why must you buy her friends??
Corporate profits, I'd presume. . .
A lonely blonde?? <G>
puns from Barbie dolls. . .
I just do not like Russian dolls.
They're so full of themselves.
Especially if one likes a Moss Cow.
I ran out of material for the doll I was making and only had breathe mints left for the feet.
He had Tic Tac toes
Pound that one into submission.
The little girl lined her dolls up at the cookout.
It was a Barbie queue.
Mannequins roasting on an open fire...
My friend said he made a voodoo doll of me.
I think he's pulling my leg.
Will the person have the voodoo of me please scratch my butt?? It's itching real bad, and I'm in a public place.
Tried to make a doll with a clock instead of an abdomen.
It was a waist of time.
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
Daryl
... A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)
Sadly, on some boards Io've been on, that'd have been the 15yo 'anky' sysop! & complaining gets the complainer banned after being publically humiliated! (I didn't stay around long on those. . . got the lay of the land & gone to one of dozens of other new BBSes opening in my area code each month in the '90s!
Usually 'twas because I hadn't done my research fully & missed it was a "free speech BBS" (code word for 12yos acting their age)
I was always respected & appreciated for my experience & willingness to help (was cosys a couple times, just for laughs)
Having called hundredfs of BBSes, I was in a good position to know what looks tright or wrong, & to suggest positive ideas on how to fix any errors or lackings. (I was raised to not complain unless I was prepared
to offer constructive assistance)
And boss spelled backwards is double SOB. <G>
I've heard that, but thanksa be to God, I've never had one. . .
My bosses have all been good. My current is best of the lot.
You did it right: if we all tayed at home (if not too dysfunctional)
until marrying, there'd be less divorce & children of broken homes.
Good times. I had fun, playing 100+ hands of cribbae a day (never for
$$), including crib solitaire! & when it ws slow(no cribbage players),
I handcoded BASIC programs that never got programmed into my Vic=20
back home in BC!
Q: Why do spiders make the best programmers?
A: They're great at debugging & can recreate a web overnight
So you know the programming language C...
next is C++, or C2 since its the second one, then there's C# or C3
since the # symbol is just shift 3.
I can't wait for the next iteration, C4! I hear its gonna be... A
blast!
Q: What was Princess Leia's LEAST favorite programming language?
A: Jabbascript
My Dad dropped his phone in a cup of coffee...
After a stunned silence...
"At least it runs Java now."
My formula for business success is:
1. customer first (cuz you want/need their money)
2. then employees (cuz thety help #1 leave cash behind)
3. bottom line will take care of itself when you have 1 & 2.
$77.77 might get you ONE used textbook today!
I would've beat that kid within an inch of his life.
You'd beat a 2yo for being the way God made him (to repeat/copy what he hears & sees, while learning?)
Most likely the dad needed the beating.
The old new ath involved letters like X & N, now the new new
[corporate] math includes letters like F & U. . .
Pretty much & just as annoying & boring. . . I'm not offended, just
weary & bored, & having to use up time to go find his older shows & rewatch them instead, because they were pure genius!
I've only seen one played by Santa & Rudolph, with Rudolph's tile rack spelling FAT {child of unwed parents} & Santa's reading VENISON STEW
Now I have many issues.
I see that in your posts. <g,d,r>
Then my [volunteer] job is being done well. :D
I only subscribed when they guaranteed me 100% money back if I'm unsatisfied -- I giver it a fair go for a couple weeks, bt thenm my
6th paper doesn't show up & it takes hours to get a replacement, then I just call them up to cancel & get my money back!
One guy's 10 game plays for telemarketers calling him:
I have to wonder if they're mature enough to deal with running a BBS.
Most folks today can't or won't accept 2 facts:
1) Life is NOT "Fair". Fair is a call in baseball, a weather term, or
a carnival.
2) Life is NOT "Burger King". You can NOT always 'Have It Your Way'. Or,
as Borg Burgers notes, "We do it OUR WAY -- your way is irrelevant".
If folks spot glitches, and they let me know, they're more inclined to stay in my good graces. The two recent glitches:
I have, unfortunately. They tried to get me to come back, after I
had resigned, because of my health; and I apologized, saying "My
body won't let me do it anymore".
I still think of that story I told you of the textile business
in New England, run by a Jewish guy. A fire before Thanksgiving
heavily damaged the place, and the employees were looking at no
pay for the holidays and no work until spring. Yet, the insurance
settled quickly, and they rebuilt quickly. The owner still paid
them during the downtime, so when the place re-opened, they were
ready to kiss his feet. He was there when they needed him, so they
were ready to sacrifice and work extra to help him. I think the
only way one quit working there was if they medically could not,
or if they died.
I love going into a business where you can clearly see that theplayers),
employees enjoy their job.
You did it right: if we all tayed at home (if not too dysfunctional) until marrying, there'd be less divorce & children of broken homes.
I think the empty nest syndrome kicked in, as my Mom and Dad were originally against me getting married. I didn't invite them to the
wedding, although they found out when they saw the marriage license
request in the paper. Yet, they were amazed at how well I handled it.
Good times. I had fun, playing 100+ hands of cribbae a day (never for $$), including crib solitaire! & when it ws slow(no cribbage
I handcoded BASIC programs that never got programmed into my Vic=20 back home in BC!
The only games I play are on the BBS...I wish I had more time to do so.
Q: Why do spiders make the best programmers?
A: They're great at debugging & can recreate a web overnight
So you know the programming language C...
next is C++, or C2 since its the second one, then there's C# or C3 since the # symbol is just shift 3.
I can't wait for the next iteration, C4! I hear its gonna be... A blast!
Q: What was Princess Leia's LEAST favorite programming language?
A: Jabbascript
My Dad dropped his phone in a cup of coffee...
After a stunned silence...
"At least it runs Java now."
Wasn't there a deal to get rid of that, because of security issues??
Daryl
... Newspaper Headline: "Crack Found on Governor's Daughter."
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)
1) Life is NOT "Fair". Fair is a call in baseball, a weather term, or
a carnival.
True 'nough!
"I started with nothing & still have most of it left."
I'll help anyone out until I see they're just takers (I try to
reserve my time for fellow givers).
Takers never know the blessed joy of "Receiving" only the "ho hum" of "Getting"
2) Life is NOT "Burger King". You can NOT always 'Have It Your Way'. Or,
as Borg Burgers notes, "We do it OUR WAY -- your way is irrelevant".
I point out: "Het, buddy, you didn't make the ryles, nor create the
game board"; play right or walk away.
If I spot any, I go out of my way to ensure the sysop knows.
One job I had, paying 40% more than minimum wage was dangerous to the health, so I gave my two weeks notice; he offered me 50% more than cvurrentot stay; I pointed out that my mind was made up, but thanks for the respect. He decideed to waive the two week's nmotice & even gave
me a week's pay as a sendoff (mutual respect works, plus I was his best producer in over 20 years per the supervisors who'd been there 30
years)
Ourt of respect for his g iving me a job, I maintain loyalty by keeping his secrets, even now, 22 years later!
I've no real idea of the trueness of these stories, but they sound good
& bespeak of reasonable comeuppance, IMO.
I choose contentment(aka "enough") for my life, not "more"
I hated my job as a bowling alley union rep
They were always having strikes
The soviet union was doomed to fail.
The red flags were everywhere.
Did you hear the announcement from the Janitors' Union?
They proposed some sweeping changes.
First, my apologies for the delay in replying. I had to be ambulatory
to an area hospital on Thursday. It turns out that I have atrial flutter,
a form of atrial fibrillation...which can lead to a fatal stroke or heart attack, if not caught in time. They have me on a blood thinner, and a medication to stabilize the heart rate and blood pressure.
My formula for business success is:
1. customer first (cuz you want/need their money)
2. then employees (cuz thety help #1 leave cash behind)
3. bottom line will take care of itself when you have 1 & 2.
When I was working in silkscreen printing, one customer said "The
Customer Is Always Right"...and I replied "The Jury is still out on
that". There have been some "strange ones" that come in. Even though
there is a menu or display board, showing what the business offers,
and the prices, people still ask for something we obviously don't do
or have.
$77.77 might get you ONE used textbook today!
And soon, that'll be for one tank of gasoline for your vehicle. :P
I wish more parents would take heed to the song that country-western
star Rodney Atkins did, "Watching You".
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uzK3VwzraM
Folks like George Burns, Bob Hope, Red Skelton, Groucho Marx, and many more, proved you don't have to be dirty to be funny.
You have to. I have an online digital subscription to The Miami Herald (Florida), as I follow their sports coverage with my late father's alma mater, the University Of Miami.
... Newspaper Headline: "Local Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide."
!They had coroner-virus.
| Sysop: | Gate Keeper |
|---|---|
| Location: | Shelby, NC |
| Users: | 719 |
| Nodes: | 20 (0 / 20) |
| Uptime: | 183:15:38 |
| Calls: | 9,287 |
| Calls today: | 7 |
| Files: | 5,288 |
| D/L today: |
104 files (44,676K bytes) |
| Messages: | 467,621 |