From Newsgroup: alt.tasteless.jokes

On Tue, 1 Jul 2003 22:26:10 +1200, Pale Rider hurled <kndMa.61291$JA5.1101088@news.xtra.co.nz> into the abyss of alt.tasteless.jokes,
where it constantly lurks, whines, and trolls, crapping on society with 9 bandwidth-killing lines of moronic idiocy...

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Drippy: "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

M-

Frequent lock-ups are a symptom of not enough memory in the same
way nosebleeds are a symptom of gunshot wounds to the head..

"'good'?!? ..she can suck a red-giant through a pipette!"
--- Synchronet 3.18b-Win32 NewsLink 1.113

From Newsgroup: alt.tasteless.jokes

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Q. What has 4 legs and an arse at each end of its otherwise sluglike body?
A. peter copeman

"-ES-|-M-" <m|-M-+|@+sSremover.com> wrote in message news:8ms2gvk3qh9to6dk9kiu0enrndgup4e129@4ax.com...
: On Tue, 1 Jul 2003 22:26:10 +1200, Pale Rider hurled
: <kndMa.61291$JA5.1101088@news.xtra.co.nz> into the abyss of alt.tasteless.jokes,
: where it constantly lurks, whines, and trolls, crapping on society with 9
: bandwidth-killing lines of moronic idiocy...
:
: >*******************************
: >Read the Official atj FAQ here:
: >http://atjfaq.shorturl.com
: >*******************************
:
: Drippy: "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
:

Gosh... sorry little girl.. I didn't mean to make you cry.


--- Synchronet 3.18b-Win32 NewsLink 1.113

From Newsgroup: alt.tasteless.jokes



--
http://www.geocities.com/mystacy/atjfaq.htm

http://www.mystacy.com/fagboymel/melmorph.html

"Pale Rider" <1kiwi@ekatahuna.pub> wrote in message news:z_kMa.61837$JA5.1118214@news.xtra.co.nz...

*******************************
Read the Official atj FAQ here:
http://www.geocities.com/mystacy/atjfaq.htm
*******************************

Q. What has 4 legs and an arse at each end of its otherwise sluglike body?
A. colin green the kiwi queer

"-ES-|-M-" <m|-M-+|@+sSremover.com> wrote in message news:8ms2gvk3qh9to6dk9kiu0enrndgup4e129@4ax.com...
: On Tue, 1 Jul 2003 22:26:10 +1200, Pale Rider hurled
: <kndMa.61291$JA5.1101088@news.xtra.co.nz> into the abyss of alt.tasteless.jokes,
: where it constantly lurks, whines, and trolls, crapping on society with

9

: bandwidth-killing lines of moronic idiocy...
:
: >*******************************
: >Read the Official atj FAQ here:
: >http://www.geocities.com/mystacy/atjfaq.htm
: >*******************************
:
: Drippy: "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
:

Gosh... I'm a sorry little girl.. I didn't mean to make you cry.

you're more than a sorry little girl kiwi.



THE SORT OF PEOPLE WHO THROW PARTIES FOR PETS
By Bill Hall, Lewiston, Idaho Tribune, January 20, 1999

I kid you not when I tell you there are people who have birthday parties
for their pets.

While they're at it, they should have wakes for their brains because
there is something missing from this picture.

In the first place, what do you get a pet for its birthday? You could
get a cat another pet for its birthday, a bird. There's nothing my cats
would enjoy more for their birthdays than a canary. But no party. No noisemakers and pointy little hats for their pointy little heads. They
would hate that.

Mind you, if parties for pets are done in the spirit of fun -- just
another excuse to have a human party -- then a little playfulness never
hurt anybody. But if the party is done in the serious expectation that
the pet will understand what is going on and appreciate the gesture,
then this is one of those excesses by pathologically pleasant people who
read too much into the alleged intelligence of a dog, a cat or a ferret.

That is not to say that cats and dogs, for instance, aren't intelligent
in their fashion. Compared to a nightcrawler, they're all Einstein.
But it is more a matter of fact than of vanity to say that the dumbest
human who ever lived is four times more aware of things like birthdays
than the smartest dog or cat who ever lived.

And yet there are those who harbour secret suspicions that dogs and cats
are incredibly more intelligent and aware of organised human activities
like birthdays than most people would imagine. Those are the people who
worry me.

Most people talk to their pets for the fun of it, believing the pets may understand the tone of the words as a greeting or a warning without understanding the precise meaning. It's the same with us and animal
sounds. There is a discernible difference between a friendly bark and
snarling growl. But a dog can't say in ways we understand that it would
like a little more liver and a little less cereal in its dog food.

And if we can't understand the precise meaning of the several kinds of
dog sounds, given our relative brilliance, how can something as stupid
as a dog understand the difference between our "Hello, Doggie" and "How
does it feel to be 7?"

And we can't generally tell one cat word from another, so there is
little reason to suspect something with a brain the size of a walnut can understand our separate words, let alone "Happy Birthday, fuzzy face."

There is something peculiar on the face of it about throwing a birthday
party for your cat or dog -- like the dog or cat would get its feelings
hurt if you forgot its birthday. There isn't a dog or cat on earth that
knows what a birthday is, let alone when it is.

For that matter, it isn't often that most people know the birth date of
their pets. Oh, people with pedigreed pooches probably have some record
of a birth date. But most of us get a kitten or a pup from a stranger
who doesn't mention and may not even remember the exact date he found
the litter in the closet. People just don't think of such things. It's
not like you need to know the exact date so you will know when to start
the pooch in school or when to have your ageing cat file for Social
Security.

Some people, knowing that, have a party for their pet anyway, just for a chuckle. The party, of course, is for them rather than for the pet -- celebrating the happy day little Fluffy came into their lives. Some
people will accept any excuse for a party. If your favourite pet is celebrating a birthday, invite your friends and put on the dog, so to
speak.

Sometimes, if you live alone with a pet, it is fun and therefore healthy
to throw a little party for your favourite critter, a party just for the
two of you. It breaks up the routine. And it's good for a person's
mood to act like a fool and share a little cake and time with a friend
who, though too stupid to know what is actually going on, does know
enough to like you. If a pet seems to like you, that is no illusion.
It does know how to show that.

And it certainly wouldn't be the first time that we served dinner to
someone who didn't fully understand us but loves us anyway. In our
family, it's like throwing a birthday party for Aunt Mildred.






--- Synchronet 3.18b-Win32 NewsLink 1.113

From Newsgroup: alt.tasteless.jokes


"The Return Of GP" <The_Return_Of_GP@NoFagBoysAllowed.Com> wrote in message news:yuoMa.14535$vx3.3906062@kent.svc.tds.net...

--
http://www.geocities.com/mystacy/atjfaq.htm

http://www.mystacy.com/fagboymel/melmorph.html

"Pale Rider" <1kiwi@ekatahuna.pub> wrote in message news:z_kMa.61837$JA5.1118214@news.xtra.co.nz...

*******************************
Read the Official atj FAQ here:
http://www.geocities.com/mystacy/atjfaq.htm
*******************************

Q. What has 4 legs and an arse at each end of its otherwise sluglike body? A. colin green the kiwi queer

"-ES-|-M-" <m|-M-+|@+sSremover.com> wrote in message news:8ms2gvk3qh9to6dk9kiu0enrndgup4e129@4ax.com...
: On Tue, 1 Jul 2003 22:26:10 +1200, Pale Rider hurled
: <kndMa.61291$JA5.1101088@news.xtra.co.nz> into the abyss of alt.tasteless.jokes,
: where it constantly lurks, whines, and trolls, crapping on society with

9

: bandwidth-killing lines of moronic idiocy...
:
: >*******************************
: >Read the Official atj FAQ here:
: >http://www.geocities.com/mystacy/atjfaq.htm
: >*******************************
:
: Drippy: "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
:

Gosh... I'm a sorry little girl.. I didn't mean to make you cry.

you're more than a sorry little girl kiwi.

THE SORT OF PEOPLE WHO THROW PARTIES FOR PETS
By Bill Hall, Lewiston, Idaho Tribune, January 20, 1999

I kid you not when I tell you there are people who have birthday parties
for their pets.

While they're at it, they should have wakes for their brains because
there is something missing from this picture.

In the first place, what do you get a pet for its birthday? You could
get a cat another pet for its birthday, a bird. There's nothing my cats would enjoy more for their birthdays than a canary. But no party. No noisemakers and pointy little hats for their pointy little heads. They
would hate that.

Mind you, if parties for pets are done in the spirit of fun -- just
another excuse to have a human party -- then a little playfulness never
hurt anybody. But if the party is done in the serious expectation that
the pet will understand what is going on and appreciate the gesture,
then this is one of those excesses by pathologically pleasant people who
read too much into the alleged intelligence of a dog, a cat or a ferret.

That is not to say that cats and dogs, for instance, aren't intelligent
in their fashion. Compared to a nightcrawler, they're all Einstein.
But it is more a matter of fact than of vanity to say that the dumbest
human who ever lived is four times more aware of things like birthdays
than the smartest dog or cat who ever lived.

And yet there are those who harbour secret suspicions that dogs and cats
are incredibly more intelligent and aware of organised human activities
like birthdays than most people would imagine. Those are the people who worry me.

Most people talk to their pets for the fun of it, believing the pets may understand the tone of the words as a greeting or a warning without understanding the precise meaning. It's the same with us and animal
sounds. There is a discernible difference between a friendly bark and snarling growl. But a dog can't say in ways we understand that it would
like a little more liver and a little less cereal in its dog food.

And if we can't understand the precise meaning of the several kinds of
dog sounds, given our relative brilliance, how can something as stupid
as a dog understand the difference between our "Hello, Doggie" and "How
does it feel to be 7?"

And we can't generally tell one cat word from another, so there is
little reason to suspect something with a brain the size of a walnut can understand our separate words, let alone "Happy Birthday, fuzzy face."

There is something peculiar on the face of it about throwing a birthday
party for your cat or dog -- like the dog or cat would get its feelings
hurt if you forgot its birthday. There isn't a dog or cat on earth that knows what a birthday is, let alone when it is.

For that matter, it isn't often that most people know the birth date of
their pets. Oh, people with pedigreed pooches probably have some record
of a birth date. But most of us get a kitten or a pup from a stranger
who doesn't mention and may not even remember the exact date he found
the litter in the closet. People just don't think of such things. It's
not like you need to know the exact date so you will know when to start
the pooch in school or when to have your ageing cat file for Social
Security.

Some people, knowing that, have a party for their pet anyway, just for a chuckle. The party, of course, is for them rather than for the pet -- celebrating the happy day little Fluffy came into their lives. Some
people will accept any excuse for a party. If your favourite pet is celebrating a birthday, invite your friends and put on the dog, so to
speak.

Sometimes, if you live alone with a pet, it is fun and therefore healthy
to throw a little party for your favourite critter, a party just for the
two of you. It breaks up the routine. And it's good for a person's
mood to act like a fool and share a little cake and time with a friend
who, though too stupid to know what is actually going on, does know
enough to like you. If a pet seems to like you, that is no illusion.
It does know how to show that.

And it certainly wouldn't be the first time that we served dinner to
someone who didn't fully understand us but loves us anyway. In our
family, it's like throwing a birthday party for Aunt Mildred.

ObJ:
One day, a teacher in a high school class was administering
a test, and she noticed that four male pupils were missing.

The first one came in.
"Why are you so late?" the teacher said to him.
"Sorry, miss," he said. "I've been up Colin Green."
She told him to go sit down.

Then the second pupil came in.
"Why are you so late?" she said to him.
"Sorry miss," he said. "I've been up Colin Green."
She told him to go sit down.

Then the third one came in.
"Why are you so late?" she said to him.
"Sorry miss," he said. "I've been up Colin Green."
She told him to go sit down.

Finally, the fourth pupil, a young boy, came in.
"I suppose you've been up Colin Green too?"
"No, miss," he said to the teacher. "I *AM* Colin Green,
and I *can't* sit down, as me arse is so sore."



--- Synchronet 3.18b-Win32 NewsLink 1.113